hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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