"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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