I think I won the penis lottery.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
