They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
