community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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