my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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