they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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