He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
