my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
