Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
