this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
