You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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