She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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