My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize