I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
