I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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