The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
