It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
MIDGETS
????
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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