Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
