Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my being single is dangerous.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
