The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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