if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sponge bath it is.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
