So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
