Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
