so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
