farters have to be the big spoon...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
