Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
