Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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