There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
