I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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