We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
