who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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