I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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