He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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