Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she peed on how many people?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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