any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
