DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
