so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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