When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
