So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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