life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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