my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize