did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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