No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
