I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize