Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
