would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
