she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
