ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
