I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
