omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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