he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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