Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
