Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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