Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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