It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize