You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
