32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
