i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
