What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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