how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
