I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
