I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize