I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
